so, surrounding yourself with positive people. how does that even work? when the stuipidass ghosts from the past press in close til there's no room for anyone else, positive, negative, or even this bodymind to be. and who the hell are these positive people anyway, gleaming and shiny with sweet smelling farts. how to hold compassion while attempting to not be a complete doormat. problem is i go from doormat to volcano in 10 second flat. and then i'm the problem right, the non-positive person from whom to unsurround oneself. i suspect the core of the issue lies in this gleaming toy that taunts me all day, promising connection and intimacy while instead delivering the treacly sweet and deeply dissatisfying candy of distraction. not to mention pinched nerves in the gleno-humeral joint on my right side. shoulder, pelvis, brain.
thanks day for being grey. so this is it right, this is the moment when i come face to face with my god-given right as a human to choose something other than this same old tired schlock again. bitter, whine, complain. unicorn rainbow poo and whipped cream atop a cow paddy then, perhaps. ach.
i guess it really is just a giant spoonful of my own meds getting crammed down the gullet. tasty. alright well i'll just keep doing my best to mambo with the madness that rages inside.
i am alive afterall. breathing, with hair and teeth. sledgehammer in the occipitals, you can chill the f out. just gonna keep cha-chaing as the changes keep flying fast and furious.