these days.  long, full, verdant.

yesterday, waking up to the sweetest of sweetnesses.  then ungraciously tossed from the nest.  holy s#$% i have people again, able to flee and blast and kvetch.  back back, learning, appreciating my boss teacher.  failing at getting photographed.  watching a young mom work with tiny kids in tow, pondering.

on a lark because people to southside, revisiting my first home at earth folk.  sweet cozy kitchen, relatively pleasant meeting. then to....the new..... chatting, so close by just 8 blocks.  feeling the house start to wrap around me pleasantly.  definitely no ghosts.  sweet conversation, so easeful so that the words just tumble out of me.  trying to fight the feeling that i'm lying about trying, that i will and always will just be a devious manipulator.  "home" for now to beans and banana smoothie and bed and now up and again, and again, and again.

today

i love the experience of massaging someone and feeling my hands click into their fascia in that special, precisely perfect way.  i love being able to offer someone insight and options for self-care.  i love looking up at the clock and seeing that 22 minutes have magically disappeared.  i love the sigh of relief at being touched in that special way, where the body can just let go where they didn't even know it was holding.  

balkan beat box-fueled packing session today, ahhhh, moving.   so satisfying to stir everything up and re-invent.  

and i am so so so loving that amazing kid who meets me so gently at every rough edge, responding before i can even formulate the words and showing up with zest and vim at every turn.  

also.

re-engaging

life is so astounding surprising.  rich.  verdant.

i do not enjoy people judging me.  i do not enjoy people shutting me out.  i do not enjoy the feeling of not existing.

much, so much to be grateful for.

summer is creeping in slowly, the air growing heavy with damp.  its different living in virginia in the air conditioning.  florida never lacks AC, but this is my first stint  in VA with that luxury.

goals:  journaling more consistently.  exercising more consistently.  doing all the sucky and annoying things one has to do to make friends in a new city.  letting it all be good.

how do we change some aspect of ourselves? enlist others in seeing us in a new way?  quietly shift and assume others will follow suit?

enjoying this new phase of life slowly kaleidescoping into view.

i love this photo because it captures each of us so perfectly.