i guess, according to many people, and most particularly, my parents, i am a total failure at life. i'm not really financially independent, i don't own a house, i can't pay a mortgage. i don't have a car. i'm not married and i don't have kids. i'm 35 years old, often go barefoot and forget to brush my hair. i'm not on a career track. i don't have an IRA and i'm not even really sure what that is. i'm not providing financial support to my parents.
just a human here. highly sensitive many-membraned human. just trying daily to figure out what that even means, what this mound of flesh even is, what these zooming thoughts and emotions it seems to be teeming with are.
sometimes even that is asking alot.
yes, i'm drowning in privilege and good fortune. i don't deserve any of it. i don't know anything, just fighting to understand everything. its a slow process.
i admit, i may have gone about all this backwards. i guess most people start with the outer world, figuring it out--but i'm just getting to that part. like i said. slow progress. for whatever reason i kind of started on the other end, backwards; inside out. it just always seemed to me to be the more logical starting place; that the inner world determines the outer world, so why not start there. instead of pouring my preciously limited life energy into making it out there, and then being left with whatever is remaining for the insides.
but you know what, f&*% that. i am figuring it out, all of it. outside and in. i'll say this much, i almost never get sick. i eat super healthfully and have many healthy habits. I am pretty close to earning a living doing things i feel passionately about that contribute something positive and healing to the people around me.
i'm managing to thrive in the cracks.
but man, nothing like a good dressing down from _____ to leave me feeling like a tiny, worthless, highly squishable piece of worm-poogoo ground into the highway by many giant trucks.
also, apparently time doesn't actually exist.
just a human here. highly sensitive many-membraned human. just trying daily to figure out what that even means, what this mound of flesh even is, what these zooming thoughts and emotions it seems to be teeming with are.
sometimes even that is asking alot.
yes, i'm drowning in privilege and good fortune. i don't deserve any of it. i don't know anything, just fighting to understand everything. its a slow process.
i admit, i may have gone about all this backwards. i guess most people start with the outer world, figuring it out--but i'm just getting to that part. like i said. slow progress. for whatever reason i kind of started on the other end, backwards; inside out. it just always seemed to me to be the more logical starting place; that the inner world determines the outer world, so why not start there. instead of pouring my preciously limited life energy into making it out there, and then being left with whatever is remaining for the insides.
but you know what, f&*% that. i am figuring it out, all of it. outside and in. i'll say this much, i almost never get sick. i eat super healthfully and have many healthy habits. I am pretty close to earning a living doing things i feel passionately about that contribute something positive and healing to the people around me.
i'm managing to thrive in the cracks.
but man, nothing like a good dressing down from _____ to leave me feeling like a tiny, worthless, highly squishable piece of worm-poogoo ground into the highway by many giant trucks.
also, apparently time doesn't actually exist.
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