swallowed

this morning ilana and i canned 17 jars of delicious chunky applesauce, hopefully i'll be around this winter to enjoy some of it.

i'm drowning in the tidal wave of a daily 6am-9pm schedule. exhausted from constant negotiations with folks that i'm not sure really give a shit about me and worn out from constant lack of sleep and exercise.

somehow in the middle of the undertow a brother appeared from nowhere today, randomly traveling through for a day and a night. felt so good to drop into immediate intimacy and recognition, a friendly soul on the same path, weightless and effortless with pokeberry fingers.

and thank god for meditation, keeping me solidly grounded in the swamp of emotions inhabiting my lower gut, keeping the tears flowing. averaging 2-3 good cries a day now, a new experience for me. i guess my rope has gotten shorter.

winter's here and the cold is both exhilarating and debilitating. i keep thinking that this must be the bottom.