Saturday, December 7, 2013


Do you know Rising Appalachia?  You should!!
Yesterday (ok this took a few days to get out so this was actually Tuesday.  Crazy week).  School started with a Talking Stick Circle with both classes--all 38 of us in a circle, passing the talking stick (aka crying stick) and sharing whatever felt present and true in the moment.  Like last time, i was struck at the depth of difficult life circumstances people are dealing with; a child gone missing at age 3, a sister passing this summer, becoming Mom to a sister's abandoned daughter at age 14, then losing a grandmother and struggling with eating disorders.   This time I was particularly nailed by a couple people talking about being in emotionally abusive relationships.  I forget how ubiquitous this is and our little community is no exception. And so many surprising shares--its easy to judge someone by how they come off or present, and learning what they are dealing with in their life right now; well, it just changes everything.  And it all makes me grateful for my life and the tools that I have amassed, the belief i hold that i am not alone and that people WANT to be there for me and support me.

After school I borrowed a friend's car and moved, finally! to my new house with its adorable porch, 2 cats, and 3 lesbian roommates.  after the 2 hour flurry of packing and loading and unloading, i drove back to school to pick up Ali with her car.  While waiting for her, the student clinic folks were talking about how they needed someone to fill the next clinic slot as someone had flaked.  I said i was not available.  exhausted, sweaty, spent from packing.  about to go to a show that evening.  this was my free 2 hours to meditate, shower, chill, light Chanukah candles.  but slowly it dawned on me that there was really no reason not to fill this slot.  Paul would lend me sheets, i could borrow a clinic shirt.  there's a shower out back.  and i'd been just thinking about how i wanted to be doing more massage and how much i enjoy the mental/emotional impact of doing a massage.  As i sat there my reasons seemed sillier and sillier and so i said "yeah ok, actually, sure i'll do it."  ran out back for a quick shower, borrowed an official shirt and some sheets and was ready to go.

The Jam Outdoors

Doesn't quite capture it but you get the idea
After a quick stop at home for food and a change of clothes, it was on to The Jam for Rising Appalachia in the backyard of The Jam.  The Jam is a sweet little venue with an indoor space as well as out back....oh, out back is a beautiful outdoor stage and dancing area with a bonfire, big oak trees hanging low over the stage, soft ground to dance on.  And tonight, tons of musician and massage school folks dancing right next to the stage and that beautiful music.  

And if you don't know about these amazing women yet, look them up!!  Here's what they say on their website Music is the tool with which we wield political prowess. Melody for the roots of each of us…spreading song and sound around the globe. Music has become our script for vision, not for aural pleasure, not just for hobby, but now to connect and create in ways that we aren’t taught by mainstream culture. We are building a community and tackling social injustice through melody, making the stage reach out with octopus arms to gather a great family. 

Sunday, December 1, 2013

fire and ice

the last couple of days i've felt a little frozen. the temperature has dropped in sunny Florida and for this reptile-blooded girl in this giant unheated drafty house, that is a serious business.  i've been eating a lot of soup and chain-hot-water bottling.  also sitting with a re-kindled love inside of me.  not re-kindled in the sense of something different happening in the material world.  re-kindled as in the flame that i thought might have finally gone out and left me in peace suddenly surging again, bright and alive and huge inside me.  i keep finding myself cursing quietly under my breath at random moments.  or laughing out loud and uproariously at odd times.  and.   in rarer moments, letting that quiet inner voice speak; "nothing to be afraid of, kassia."  ITS JUST LOVE!  hahahahah.  i am afraid of feeling love!  well, so what if its huge and overwhelming and has no place in my life right now.  so what if all i did when we were together was grab hold of this feeling and squeeze until there was nothing left but my empty, whitened knuckles.  

but when the cold winds blows through this house and there's nothing to keep that fire from raging.....i am at their mercy.

thank goodness, last night a friend popped up online and then came over for a chill evening.   we meditated together.  then he made us both an amazing cheese plate and deliciously roasted brussel sprouts while i made pumpkin-chocolate chip bars (seriously worth it). and  by bedtime the ice and the fire had reached relatively comfortable level of homeostasis.

thank you for the flames

 i still slept with the hot water bottle.