landing is hard

ok, so now we're back. the community hopping is over, the gallivanting and jet setting and international networking on pause for now as i focus on landing, settling and nesting. ironically, i've been yearning for this moment since i began this 2.5 year journey. but arriving here at long last is...well, a bit scary and intimidating. suddenly i'm supposed to create a life: a real, long-lasting, rooted and meaningful one. eek! so much easier to suck the marrow out of a week's stay at fascinating community X.

the various dreams and goals that have been piling up over the past years are washing over me in a wave of overwhelm: music projects, learning to crochet, gardening and preserving food, doing massage, training to be a doula, building community, creating a family (?!!? this one has its own, special level of overwhelm), going raw, being vegan, raising chickens, learning to bead and sew, baking bread, creating community, creaing community, creating community.....aaggghhh!!!!!!!!

and then there's the nitty gritty of a semi-mainstream life to deal with: going to the dentist, getting health care, switching bank accounts to the less evil one, inputting numbers into the new cell phone...

on this grey and lonely christmas eve, i just want to bury my head in my greg palast book and hide.