running through the blue-black day, trying to shake up the stuck and repeating thoughts and emotions from this roller coaster train-ride (trainwreck? longest count-down EVER). chasing the giant flock of grackles as they roll over each other end-to-end through the air, turning into tree buds for a paused moment, then fanning out again in perfect synchronisity.
tired of being not the person i want to be, tired of the flutter in the gut, the walls and self-defenses, tired of feeling bad or responsible, not big enough to hold all the feelings and desires or expand like a hot-air balloon to hold it all and myself too, cradled gently and rocking.
get to be a rock star tonight, thank goodness for that. looking forward to pouring all this annoying angst through strings and amp, spilling out messy and everywhere, shoved in people's faces and down their pants. and dance it all out, letting it fly and roll through me.
looking forward to stepping off of this see-saw balancing beam and onto something firmer.
Proust's Parlor Game
8 years ago