Thursday, June 5, 2008

communication and release

although i'm totally down with direct communication, i'm periodically re-astounded at how amazing and powerful it can be. in the past 12 hours, i just had two really intense experiences of this, both with women in the community here.

The first grew out of a conversation with a woman who i find totally intimidating. she is a completely dedicated and very active community organizer, systems thinker, radical revolutionary awesome woman. we were talking late last night about something that went down the other night that had unpleasant ramifications. we were both doing a good job of saying our own truth and hearing each other, but it was obvious that she was holding back alot, feeling triggered and hurt but unsafe to hold or express it. after resolving that particular issue as best we could, i took the plunge and asked if i could share with her some of my own stuff that was impacting my connection to her, and then told her about my insecurities around her, and that i just felt dumb and ineffectual when i was around her. the whole dynamic shifted dramatically, and i could feel the release and shift of energy very deeply in my body--intense waves of energy vibrating out from my core and between us. she was very appreciative for this opening and it seemed to shift things inside her, as well. we talked for a little while longer and ended with a hug. it felt like a giant barbell had been removed from my gut.

the other opportunity for deep sharing happened just this morning. it is a woman here who i like very much, but for some reason triggers the emotional pain of this past winter at twin oaks and the whole difficult and dramatic poly-mess that colonized my emotional life for several months. i debated for awhile, wondering if naming this trigger would just create more weirdness and drama, but finally just went for it. again, intense energetic release vibrating through me. she was very grateful that i had brought it up, and i could feel my blocks towards her start to dissolve.

we've just entered the new moon in gemini, a time to focus on communication. may we all see ourselves clearly, speak our truths and hear and hold each others' truths in fullness and love.