today kinda put me through the ringer.
woke up feeling a little off, 2 nights in a row of not enough sleep and a bit of a long day friday....then got an email from a friend that left me in the slightly crazed/manic state of desperately wanting to know that everything's ok and they don't hate me, but having to just deal w/the the fact that i might have inadvertently destroyed a friendship.
made carrot muffins, because when all else fails transforming flour, eggs, honey, and carrots into hot fragrant nuggets of food helps shift the raw materials of my emotional mess into something slightly more palatable and coherent.
got a call back from the sis, yay! i almost started crying when she said, "so, just tell whatever you want." Heard all the crazy stories delivered with wit and hilarious comic timing. delved a bit into the early history of the arbabi family downfall and my own growing awareness of the Shit i've got inside.
got ready for the wedding. drove down, super mellow sweet church and we played tunes while people arrived. and then more tunes as the ceremony was delayed, awaiting a missing relative. FINALLY, after nearly an hour of tunes the ceremony started. we nailed all the hits, pachabel's canon, bridal march, etc. which feels awesome of course. it was out past Micanopy and there were enormous old oak friends all around. had to leave before dinner as the wedding couple were staging their motorcycle accident themed wedding photos.
then back home for a quick change and off to swallowtail farm's springfest, supposedly to play a contradance. by the time we got there, i was over the line tired, stressed, HUNGRY/hangry....and it turned out blah blah blah we weren't on the schedule etc. Managed to wrangle some food as the food trucks shut down and wax wings played. finally hiked myself out to a hammock off in the dark woods, music filtering through and rocked a good cry out of the swirling intensifying mass of horribleness that had reached fever pitch inside. felt waves of shit. i'm never going to succeed at anything, i'll always be alone blah blah blah etc. Let go of all the outside and just tuned in to the innards.
Rocking felt good.
Emptied slightly, i went back up the hill, feeling the ground under me and needing nothing. watched the fire eating giant logs. appreciating being on beautiful land outdoors. admiring katrina's belly.
and home.
woke up feeling a little off, 2 nights in a row of not enough sleep and a bit of a long day friday....then got an email from a friend that left me in the slightly crazed/manic state of desperately wanting to know that everything's ok and they don't hate me, but having to just deal w/the the fact that i might have inadvertently destroyed a friendship.
made carrot muffins, because when all else fails transforming flour, eggs, honey, and carrots into hot fragrant nuggets of food helps shift the raw materials of my emotional mess into something slightly more palatable and coherent.
got a call back from the sis, yay! i almost started crying when she said, "so, just tell whatever you want." Heard all the crazy stories delivered with wit and hilarious comic timing. delved a bit into the early history of the arbabi family downfall and my own growing awareness of the Shit i've got inside.
got ready for the wedding. drove down, super mellow sweet church and we played tunes while people arrived. and then more tunes as the ceremony was delayed, awaiting a missing relative. FINALLY, after nearly an hour of tunes the ceremony started. we nailed all the hits, pachabel's canon, bridal march, etc. which feels awesome of course. it was out past Micanopy and there were enormous old oak friends all around. had to leave before dinner as the wedding couple were staging their motorcycle accident themed wedding photos.
then back home for a quick change and off to swallowtail farm's springfest, supposedly to play a contradance. by the time we got there, i was over the line tired, stressed, HUNGRY/hangry....and it turned out blah blah blah we weren't on the schedule etc. Managed to wrangle some food as the food trucks shut down and wax wings played. finally hiked myself out to a hammock off in the dark woods, music filtering through and rocked a good cry out of the swirling intensifying mass of horribleness that had reached fever pitch inside. felt waves of shit. i'm never going to succeed at anything, i'll always be alone blah blah blah etc. Let go of all the outside and just tuned in to the innards.
Rocking felt good.
Emptied slightly, i went back up the hill, feeling the ground under me and needing nothing. watched the fire eating giant logs. appreciating being on beautiful land outdoors. admiring katrina's belly.
and home.
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