Tuesday, October 16, 2007

red letter day

today was too good not to blog about.

this morning's lev was a patchwork of songs, readings, chants an amalgam that felt organic and meaningful--i love the feeling of collective creation. after breakfast and meditating, i went on a fun quest to the old-timey hardware store in canaan for more canning supplies, then to a rich iowa neighbor's apple orchard. perched precariously, splayed out and reaching, i tossed giant apples down to jordan. 3 big boxes, ready for a massive batch of applesauce on thursday...

it was finally warm and blue enough to eat lunch outside and miriam brought out the giant hobart bowl of brownie batter from the kitchen.

after lunch meditation and then spray painting funky metal shelves for the squasharium/coolside/new cool storage space...enjoying the somewhat mysterious resolution of an odd interpersonal abrasion and tunes from naf's i-pod.

our afternoon limud started out with a relay race sorting objects (pillow, beetle, music) according to whether they are borei (created from nothing) or yetzirah (created from something). caught a bit of teva's bizzare and hilarious evening skit, mainly involving an outrageous cheech impression ( i guess the kids wouldn't know), then a brief pause at hillside for wine, apples,kraut and to pick up the dairy bucket. milking the goats is a joy of course. followed by a moonlit bike adventure back to the apple-neighbors to rescue my hat, riding home crunching an apple and gazing at jupiter's brilliant orb.

does it get any sweeter?

Monday, October 15, 2007

magical morning

biking through the early morning dawn to yoga class this morning felt magical, even though the class still kinda kicks my ass. i stayed in the yurt afterward to meditate and about halfway into my hour, i heard the door open softly, and casey from teva tiptoed over to ask if it'd be ok to play music--turned out that teva's morning community time was a dance/stretch/be party.

i stayed sitting as folks trickled in slowly, moving and stretching to gorgeous guitar arrangements of jewish melodies. the music picked up and as the bodies swirled slowly around me i could feel my internal balance shifting subtly and whirling in new patterns. those folks just exude love and openness and it felt amazing to meditate in their midst. towards the end i let my body rise and boogy to the music, then returned to my cushion for the last 10 minutes.

the weather is palpably turning now; folks are nesting, baking, and snuggling. i've put up a giant patchwork dividing curtain in my room and creating a cozy nest of nurturance for my winter hibernation. lots of rough inter-personal stuff is up with small community inevitability, and i'm doing my best to feel it fully and remind myself to keep engaging. its overwhelming sometimes but also deeply satisfying.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

the falls

friday afternoon i was psyched about cooking up lots of sadeh vegis (garlic, onions, squash...and my first stab at wild rice!) for a big ole' shabbat dinner, but halfway through the afternoon i burned out on the social tension. my half of the bedroom i share had digressed into a disorganized, spiritually draining and irredemable mess. then jordon came to my rescue and we biked to the falls (of falls village). its a beautiful ride, on little country roads dappled with golden light shining through the tunnel of turning leaves. i vented some on the way, just getting shit off my chest. but when we got there, we entered a different, sacred space. sitting at the top of giant slabs or rock that curve gently down to to the tumbling falls, our souls unhinged and dissolved into the rocks and air. it was like resting in the hand of god, held gently in a giant love. we talked more, about our deapest fears and insecurities, about the shapes we saw in the clouds and our favorite parts of the waterfall (this calm pool, that bubbling spray)...and about how much we loved each other. it is so satisfying and empowering to feel such a strong and deep love and connection in a completely non-sexual way. when we finally dragged ourselves away and swooped down the hill towards home, i felt deeply healed.

the theme of this week is lonliness in a crowd. what i've noticed is that the times i feel most happy, open, and connected are in prayer, while playing music and when connecting deeply and authentically with another person. often they're not that different from each other.