Wednesday, August 20, 2014

that kind of week--welcome home!

apologies for the continual self-pitying solipsistic tone of this blog.  there is much to be grateful
for.  and right now, this is the kind of week this is
message from spain

1.  my fiddle's A string is unravelling
2. someone pulls out a stop sign outside my workplace in order to steal my bicycle
3.  upon waking up this morning, my housemates accuse me of being a liar
4. my other housemate is mad at me and not speaking to me because she threw away my giant container of veganaise while i was traveling. she is angry that i asked her to in the future, check with me before throwing away things with my name on them
5. i got politely booted from the jazz bandits, due to their already large size as a band

i am so sick of people asking how i am, and then as i start to slowly unfurl into giving an honest, vulnerable answer, walking away.  i am so sick of feeling like a claustrophobic prisoner in my own house.  i am sick of trying to be nice to people who clearly do not give 2 shits about me.  i'm sick of stupid arguments, emotional penalties, games with people who just don't care.

returning from spain, i am holding open many questions.  and also little tolerance for the BS masquerading as my life that blocks my own real aliveness and the things that truly matter.  we will all be dust in the blink of an eye, why to waste this precious store of life-ness!

p.s. housemate #1 just apologized for being feisty.