ask and....

one of my favorite landmark distinctions is "making powerful requests." Today, sky and i were tabling for Urban Evolution (yes, its starting to be like THAT) at a Meet Your Neighborhood event in Lee park. Towards the end of the event, the main organizer came over and urged us to go up to the main tent. A few city workers, from neighborhood development and public utilities were there answering questions from the people.

we ran over. The audience questions were on the wane, so i jumped in right away. First, i asked about edible landscaping on city land, including parks. i got a name in parks and rec--the dude to follow up with. then i asked about grey water, and got a muddled answer about rainwater for landscaping. sky took the mic then, and asked about zoning and the 4-unrelated-person maximum occupancy regulation. nothing new there; preventing slumlords, accurately judging utility use etc.

i sat in my seat, very present to last nights dream in which i was invited to join boulder, colorado's city council. these people's JOB is to serve us, to make cville a better place to live. so much of our work is about neighborhood development. this was an amazing opportunity, what else could i ask for? i've been planning a ridge st. block party for august--a harvest fest, cookout, neighborhood story sharing party in the street. so far, the various permits we'll need total nearly $300. i've been feeling pretty stumped about where that money will come from--this is not a wealthy neighborhood. folks have been happy to bring a dish to share, or share stories. they're psyched to have a party in the neighborhood. i went back and forth in my head "ask, no i can't ask, just ask! no, i can't." it never hurts to ask, i decided. so. i made my powerful request, bumbling a bit and ending with the possibility for the event; a chance for the community to really come together and connect, have a good time and build community. pause. winning smile. the three panel folks silently stared at me. pregnant pause.

then, the moderator approached me and said quietly, "sometimes we can make an exception. give me a call" and handed me his card. i looked at it, and it said "Maurice Jones, Assistant City Manager."

whoa.

the power of doing

its amazing how impossible and overwhelming a project can feel when i'm doing NOTHING to move it forward. and, how ease-ful, inspiring and energizing it is when i am doing stuff--even tiny things, to move it forward.

my self expression and leadership program project (well, one of them) is a ridge street neighborhood block party/cookout. its been evolving slowly, and i'm getting more excited about it. tonight i talked to the remaining neighbors on the portion of street that we want to shut down for the party. one lady had refused to open her door last night, shouting through the glass "we don't open our doors after dark!!" today, she was outside. i chatted with her and she begrudgingly consented to the block party on her street, as long as she could get her car in and out. then she blew my mind by offering to make a dish, even if she couldn't make it!

at the next house, i knocked right in the middle of the bath hour. a twin boy and girl (totally adorable) took turns peeping around the corner and shouting for help as i spoke with their mother. she said that her grandfather had built the house for his wife and had owned all the land around. he sold it off bit by bit.

this neighborhood is rich with stories, from folks who have lived here 20, 30, 50 years. a new piece of the project is starting to emerge as i meet more of the people who live in this neighborhood. I want to create an oral history, a collection of stories. and have an opportunity for folks to share their stories with fellow ridge st. neighbors at our august gathering.

my tendency is for projects to get bigger in my mind, and then overwhelm me into paralysis. the key, i'm learning, is to continue to create opportunities for leadership for OTHER people, expanding the pool of leaders, and thus, what is possible.

yay!

treats of the day

1. between bikerideberrypicking and afternoon garden shift, heat of the day: iced coffee with maple syrup and soymilk.

2. staking up the peppers. hot, sweaty, dirty. time for a break: wineberries with coconut milk ice cream, hazelnut milk, crumbled cookie.

3. last treat of the night, before lasts tasks, after exhilarating mini-canvass of raymond st. neighbors for the ridge st. block party: wineberries w/soymilk and maple syrup.

renewed committment to blogging, and bday fest!

ok, i've said this before but.........i so enjoy blogs when the blogger posts regularly! so i am renewing my dedication to regular blogging.

feel free to hold me to that........

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i haven't thrown myself a birthday for quite a few years. and the last time i did, i ended up running away and hiding due to a severe case of overwhelm/meltdown.

this year, i'm breaking through the resistance, and throwing myself a big 'ol bash. midsummer nights dream theme, dance party, fruit, flowers...2 days after the full moon, 2 days before my real birthday. feels fitting as i turn the big 3-0!

Here is an excerpt about another midsummer nights dream party, from which i take inspiration.

From The Hanged Man by Francesca Lia Block

We decide to have a Midsummer Night's Dream full-moon party. My mother brings out all her white tulle and we hang it in the trees. We cut out paper stars and glue blue and pink glitter onto them and scatter them in the tulle canopies among white Christmas lights. We buy watermelons, pineapples, cantaloupes, honeydew, strawberries and cut them up and put them on platters and my mother makes her punch. It is a citrus-greenish-yellow color and it smokes. We call it the witch brew and everyone is drinking and dancing around in their white shirts and dresses and lace and masks and glittery scarves.

lost romance

alexis and debbie are here tonight, sweet in their new romance. eating wineberries and soy cream by the blackberry bush, then watching the sunset from the roof.

as soon as they walked in the door, i felt downright ornery.

trout was just here overnight, and it was sweet to be with him. i so appreciate the comfort and acceptance that are endemic to his being. ease--cleaning up the broken glass from my rushing while i tend to the bleeding toe, bustin' out the chords for an impromptu gospel number at the farmer's market, landing smackdab in the middle of a new social scene complete with blueberry crepes and french animation. just rolling with all that comes.

maya today told me about planning her and chris's beach trip. "so i said, can we take on the waves, you know, really trash talk em? and most people would say...um, what are you talking about? but chris, chris is like yeah we can take on the waves!! heck yeah! i mean, who says that? who does that?" i can see so clearly how perfect they are for each other--each so vital, vibrant, kooky, kind and generous.

what all this brings up is: I MISS ROMANCE. i miss the newness, that spark of beginning, when it seems like a small miracle that such intense feelings could be reciprocated. the unfolding of mirrored recognitions......and the charm and delight of every small, shared moment. keening for that. how can i bring this back into my relationship?

well, first off--talking with maya clarified this--we should certainly stop living together. sharing our emotional, work, and social lives nearly 24/7 drives me stark raving mad, and i totally loose any sense of self and center. its been a blessed relief to have him gone, expand into the space of myself, my friends, my life. every day feels like a new gift, filled with unexpected delights and surprises. unpredictable. mutable and shifting and wild. like the world is my new lover, each day unfolding anew.

this gives me hope

this beautiful clip broke me open and made me sob uncontrollably--in a good way.

holding it all

sky and i sent to see Nassim Haramein speak. can't really capture him and what he had to say in words, but it left me feeling optimistic and broken open to the possibility of our evolution as a species.

on the way back, we got into a heated discussion about what it all meant for who we are and how we do our work in the world. at one point, i said something about not being able to take in all the pain in the world. i just can't hold it all.

and now, hanging up curtains in my new room, it hits me again. my father is living in iran again, we all know what is going down in israel. and now peru is in my heart as well, my friend rat is there now, participating in the latest round of gov't oppression and protests.

its alot to hold in my heart.

i feel very alone.