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 How do you know when someone is just too angry, seething just beneath the surface from so many slights, woundings and cruelties unleashed on them by unthinking callous parents and schoolmates?  Is it unhealthy to fear you? To worry that the wrong word said at the wrong time will unleash that powerful torrent of hurt and there I stand, directly in the way of that firehose of hurt and anger? I already love you, am drawn in repeatedly to the well and depth of your sweet, tortured, fighting, beautiful self.  Is it an addiction? Am I afraid to turn away because of what would happen?  And, what would happen? Would that hurt still find its way back to me, like a strangling cloud blindly driven to inflict as much pain as it feels? Am I fooling myself and staying in part because I don't want to find out?  Does it matter that I feel emboldened to write here because I feel so sure that you won't read this words, despite knowing the path here.  It is always so hard to have a relationship in a vortex. I want to find a way out of the vortex but there is no clear path.  So fumbling blindly we go.  I've never been called out so cruelly--is it good for me? I'm fighting to have it be so even though part of me wants to run.  I can trace the lines of your hurt in the swords you wield and hurl and it helps me breathe, step away, and recall the wielder; a sweet, sad boy, fiercely fighting for his life.  Even as I write this I anticipate the next volley of fighting it will unleash.