well hot damn. i was just inspired to re-read the beginnings of this here wee blog, and holy canoli i was quite a dedicated little writer back in the day! if you haven't read it, i hereby humbly recommend that you take a gander over there to those 2006 entries. quite entertaining stuff it is!
and my, my, i was so prolific and detailed. brings to light how remiss i've been in my writings for....oh, years now.
but......no longer! i hereby silence you, o fears of solipsistic narcissism, or at least give you a fierce hushing.
i am getting closer to having a good pung in tai chi...or rather having one at all. pung is the uprooting energy. simple. but to get it right requires a complex coordination of basically every part of your body--creating a nice bow in the pelvis/low back, connecting the arm into shoulder into the root into the ground, holding that frame and moving it as a whole, connected piece. oof! i was working with the Sifu and one of the advanced students, straining with my whole being and wanting so badly to move his damned arm....and utterly failing! it feels good though to enlist my entire body and being in a task to fullest of my ability, and after i (arm shaking, body straining) utterly failed to move Keiren's arm all i could do was laugh.
I told Sifu that i'd be leaving in July, and plan to search for a similar dojo in Richmond. he said that though he has gotten invites from film-heads to move to NY or california, neither one was appealing: NY because everything is smaller than it looks in the movies, and California because everything is too far apart.
When i finally got home, after a bit of messing about i set down for my new practice routine for daily violining: 1 jazz tune, 1 old time tune, new blackfire tunes, csardas, and etudes. i have such a short attention span that it works best if i have 7 different things to work on, the idea being that if i keep it up every day they will all get better bit-by-bit.
My Kalpesh Orthobionomy session this afternoon was good and interesting--we talked about my tendencies towards depression/anxiety and manicness--he said it was normal, that basically i need to learn how to translate all that Stuff downward to the soles of my feet, and also learn how to move it around in my body instead of letting it get stuck and immobile. He showed me some exercises--but most importantly, said that my consciousness is operating at a muscular and emotional level that is still quite surface and i have not yet taken responsibility for/connected with the deeper stuff in my body underneath that level.
at the end, he was just dealing with the headache of the moment. when i lay down and he held my neck very gently, i kept thinking "dont go away, dont let go of my neck" and then "fear and loss, fear and loss, fear and loss" and then finally connected to how deeply tired of feeling alone and lonely i am.
after, i biked (w/all the damned groceries still, from pre-kalpesh visit to ward's) to zumba w/brandon, the flashdance flamer. i was dragging but pushed myself to get that crazy full body high of explosive movement. its such a constant struggle trying to figure out how to meet my needs. excercise? rest? meat? raw? hydrate? meditate (well, the answer to that one is yes always!)? socialize? hibernate? kalpesh said i'm on the right track, i guess mostly i just need to get over the idea that any of it really matters or is of such epic importance.
While cooking and eating dinner (baked grouper, red quinoa, roasted potatoes and carrots, salad), i spoke on the phone with this woman who passed through twin oaks ages ago, now she's a journalist living in mexico city, interested in writing about twin oaks or community, possibly for this american life. she asked me all sorts of questions and i ended up tracing back my whole path from twin oaks, cville, prisa lenta, twin oaks round II, gainesville, and everything that went down w/sky and roma. and thinking forward, where things may go from here. that's what brought me back to the beginnings of my blog, and to this prolific entry.
and for today, that is all.
and my, my, i was so prolific and detailed. brings to light how remiss i've been in my writings for....oh, years now.
but......no longer! i hereby silence you, o fears of solipsistic narcissism, or at least give you a fierce hushing.
i am getting closer to having a good pung in tai chi...or rather having one at all. pung is the uprooting energy. simple. but to get it right requires a complex coordination of basically every part of your body--creating a nice bow in the pelvis/low back, connecting the arm into shoulder into the root into the ground, holding that frame and moving it as a whole, connected piece. oof! i was working with the Sifu and one of the advanced students, straining with my whole being and wanting so badly to move his damned arm....and utterly failing! it feels good though to enlist my entire body and being in a task to fullest of my ability, and after i (arm shaking, body straining) utterly failed to move Keiren's arm all i could do was laugh.
I told Sifu that i'd be leaving in July, and plan to search for a similar dojo in Richmond. he said that though he has gotten invites from film-heads to move to NY or california, neither one was appealing: NY because everything is smaller than it looks in the movies, and California because everything is too far apart.
When i finally got home, after a bit of messing about i set down for my new practice routine for daily violining: 1 jazz tune, 1 old time tune, new blackfire tunes, csardas, and etudes. i have such a short attention span that it works best if i have 7 different things to work on, the idea being that if i keep it up every day they will all get better bit-by-bit.
My Kalpesh Orthobionomy session this afternoon was good and interesting--we talked about my tendencies towards depression/anxiety and manicness--he said it was normal, that basically i need to learn how to translate all that Stuff downward to the soles of my feet, and also learn how to move it around in my body instead of letting it get stuck and immobile. He showed me some exercises--but most importantly, said that my consciousness is operating at a muscular and emotional level that is still quite surface and i have not yet taken responsibility for/connected with the deeper stuff in my body underneath that level.
at the end, he was just dealing with the headache of the moment. when i lay down and he held my neck very gently, i kept thinking "dont go away, dont let go of my neck" and then "fear and loss, fear and loss, fear and loss" and then finally connected to how deeply tired of feeling alone and lonely i am.
after, i biked (w/all the damned groceries still, from pre-kalpesh visit to ward's) to zumba w/brandon, the flashdance flamer. i was dragging but pushed myself to get that crazy full body high of explosive movement. its such a constant struggle trying to figure out how to meet my needs. excercise? rest? meat? raw? hydrate? meditate (well, the answer to that one is yes always!)? socialize? hibernate? kalpesh said i'm on the right track, i guess mostly i just need to get over the idea that any of it really matters or is of such epic importance.
While cooking and eating dinner (baked grouper, red quinoa, roasted potatoes and carrots, salad), i spoke on the phone with this woman who passed through twin oaks ages ago, now she's a journalist living in mexico city, interested in writing about twin oaks or community, possibly for this american life. she asked me all sorts of questions and i ended up tracing back my whole path from twin oaks, cville, prisa lenta, twin oaks round II, gainesville, and everything that went down w/sky and roma. and thinking forward, where things may go from here. that's what brought me back to the beginnings of my blog, and to this prolific entry.
and for today, that is all.
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