communitas vomitus

today was the last day of sukkah-fest, and it ended with a pretty good dance party next to the lake. it felt so good to get down and into my body. unfortunately it ended by getting sucked into a tunnel of despairing doom as a result of my continued obsessive tendencies in relationships. it seems like i'm always craving more, being dissatisfied and fixating. its tiring, especially in community. jordon challenged me to try and stay engaged with the obsessive desire pattern, and its a big challenge and i'm not sure i'm up for it...but i'm going to keep trying.

i smoked pot today for the first time in a few weeks, which both helped and hindered my clearness and g roundedness. josh and i got cracking on the contra-dance music; its interesting to explain this stuff, and realize how much knowledge i've unconsciously accrued in the past few years. as always, it was truly delightful and nourishing to hang out with him. when i thanked him for being a good friend, he thanked me for challenging him to be one. that was a new and very sweet compliment.

there was an ultimate game in the middle of the afternoon and it was a delicious day, sunny and warm with a little breezy and brilliantly blue sky accentuating the turning leaves. it really is paradise here, unutterably idyllic on days like this. if only i had no emotions it'd be perfect....