overflowing

today is grey and mellow, and i'm recovering a bit from the massive energy output of yesterday and last night. and i'm feeling a bit heart-sore about aviva, a fellow adamahnik, zee is (gender neutral prounouns) solid and phenomenal in this pretty inexplicable way. being around zee makes me feel safe and alive....and i'm constantly finding myself wanting more: more connection, more energy back etc. this doesn't feel good and i need to shift...

aviva, miriam and i spent the entire day in the kitchen yesterday, cooking madly for the evening's invited hordes. it was definately the biggest cooking project i've ever taken on, but we plugged away all day and lots of folks came by to help. the oven stayed on from 9 am til nearly 8pm, baking squash, tofu, pumpkins, challah, zucchini bread, and roasting garlic, potatoes and onions--all from the sadeh. we churned out so much food that our long table was laden by the evening--all of that plus greens, peppers, tomatoes, hummous, watermelon, apples, quinoa, glazed carrots...it was a truly bottomless bounty. it felt really good to be so supported, and to take on way more than i thought i could do and somehow pull it off.

i had a little rest of the end of the day so that when people started arriving, i was feeling pretty mellow. and they poured in! we started with 35 people crammed in our cozy, beautifully decorated sukkah and about 25 more outside. there were pumpkins and squash and corn hanging from the patchwork julia-sewn walls, little drawings, dim light and cushions. it felt like a lounge of love crammed with amazing people. shamu asked aviva and i to lead the kiddush, a daunting task that i've never done but it felt good to speak my gratitude of this bounty through set and ancient words.

i was totally overwhelmed by it all that i started crying before i could begin the kiddush....and the evening unfolded into mellow conversation, delicious wholesome food, sweet hugs and songs---true bliss.

its deeply satisfying to create safe and nurturing communal spaces for people to enter into, and, i can feel my center pulling outward when i'm receiving so much gratitude from folks. it makes it hard to stay centered and grounded in myself instead of my deeds.