and so i'm back.
back in the land of speaking. i've never had so many people ask me if it feels good to talk again! which is sweet and i love that they remember that i went off to do this very strange thing and are considering what it might feel like to return.
this course. felt. so. good. it had been over a year and a half, the longest i've gone in probably 10-12 years w/o sitting a course. i was so ready. i even had some perks, being the most senior female student on the course: my own room, with a bathroom, and a meditation cell right in the room. it all helped with my already pretty strong desire to
just
dive
dooooooown.
Some highlights:
--realizing, son is probably not mad at me (huge release relief)
--developing a sweet, sometimes even sassy, inner voice that cajoled me into practicing when i didn't want to. gentle, persistent, loving.
--clarity about what i'm looking for in terms of intimate relationships right now
[LOVEPOD!]
....etc......
and i arrived back on sunday right into the fray and madness. crazy 4/20 party w/band roulette performances swirling, holding on to E with my eyes and core as a raft amidst the madness of beer, bbq
and bong hits
a perhaps ill-advised impromptu sleepover
monday epic bike ride through industrial NW gville to the internships.....started at the gym...then a bit of rest and recovery at home, making juice w/the ali and then meeting E for a late nighttime walk parksit finally releasing into contact and that face holy hotdog glowing down at me under the streetlights
tuesday, pitstop at the bakery and sweet cookie gift from kyla, to The Office for the Internship....learning all kinds of useful stuff and piddling and working on gerald....home for brief rest then off to orthobionomy class omg blow my mind and heart wideopen and to dirty fist show +awesome macedonian rock band. just enjoying myself and rocking out and enjoying those sweet people...
wednesday, up and out early to siembra....picking peas for hours under the bright blue sky, so happy to be out feet dirty face tilted towards the sun til that familiar physical exhaustion daze sets in better than any drug. home....rest....busk at market.
it has been a bit of a marathon. a marathon of goodness.
i'm grateful for the moments when i feel an underlying ease enter into the hecticness, or a slightly less frantic clinging to the usual things that i cling to....
and i feel this new flame starting to take hold. just seeing that smile makes me happy. wanting to be close. fighting it all, calming myself down, slowing myself down to stay present, aware, connected. i can feel those deep firm tugs at the reins inside myself wanting desperately to take the well-travelled route and so far, success at resisting and forging a new path
.
back in the land of speaking. i've never had so many people ask me if it feels good to talk again! which is sweet and i love that they remember that i went off to do this very strange thing and are considering what it might feel like to return.
this course. felt. so. good. it had been over a year and a half, the longest i've gone in probably 10-12 years w/o sitting a course. i was so ready. i even had some perks, being the most senior female student on the course: my own room, with a bathroom, and a meditation cell right in the room. it all helped with my already pretty strong desire to
just
dive
dooooooown.
Some highlights:
--realizing, son is probably not mad at me (huge release relief)
--developing a sweet, sometimes even sassy, inner voice that cajoled me into practicing when i didn't want to. gentle, persistent, loving.
--clarity about what i'm looking for in terms of intimate relationships right now
[LOVEPOD!]
....etc......
and i arrived back on sunday right into the fray and madness. crazy 4/20 party w/band roulette performances swirling, holding on to E with my eyes and core as a raft amidst the madness of beer, bbq
and bong hits
a perhaps ill-advised impromptu sleepover
monday epic bike ride through industrial NW gville to the internships.....started at the gym...then a bit of rest and recovery at home, making juice w/the ali and then meeting E for a late nighttime walk parksit finally releasing into contact and that face holy hotdog glowing down at me under the streetlights
tuesday, pitstop at the bakery and sweet cookie gift from kyla, to The Office for the Internship....learning all kinds of useful stuff and piddling and working on gerald....home for brief rest then off to orthobionomy class omg blow my mind and heart wideopen and to dirty fist show +awesome macedonian rock band. just enjoying myself and rocking out and enjoying those sweet people...
wednesday, up and out early to siembra....picking peas for hours under the bright blue sky, so happy to be out feet dirty face tilted towards the sun til that familiar physical exhaustion daze sets in better than any drug. home....rest....busk at market.
it has been a bit of a marathon. a marathon of goodness.
i'm grateful for the moments when i feel an underlying ease enter into the hecticness, or a slightly less frantic clinging to the usual things that i cling to....
and i feel this new flame starting to take hold. just seeing that smile makes me happy. wanting to be close. fighting it all, calming myself down, slowing myself down to stay present, aware, connected. i can feel those deep firm tugs at the reins inside myself wanting desperately to take the well-travelled route and so far, success at resisting and forging a new path
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