re-covery

after the lecture on future and career including the usual breakdown by cousin/update of the multiple creative ways that they are succeeding (med school, law school) and how yes, i could do the same if i chose too.  after that conversation finally wound down and switched inevitably back to farsi i stood up quietly and let my feet walk me straight for the ocean and then down the beach, away away away and into myself.  and beyond, to touch back into that source that feeds, nourishing the magic that has been reclaiming me of late with sweet, unrelenting persistence.  landing in a dune, speaking to the sun, letting the ocean fill and bring me back beyond the me that feels small and inadequate and like a failure, a failure of a daughter who consistently manages not to live up to any of it.

remembering that i am a daddy's girl and that he still happily dredges up tiny details from my childhood.  remembering that i'm just an animal on this planet whirling through the cosmos.  feeling the soft suppleness of the sand beneath my hands.  feeling my body sinking.  and sliding away to open into the waterfallingup through the earth's core into and through me bringing "me" back home to this cosmos of explosive love.  all we are, right?  that simple.  so it IS our biological birthright to scoop up this sweetness that life offers, to absorb and consume and be taken by the deepest of pleasures and experiences and man what else are we here for but to feel alive and explode?