stress response

In kinesiology today we learned that stress is just stimulation of the sensory nervous system.  as in, too much info coming in at one time.  this is what my life looks like so often.  i came home today paying attention.  purposely made choices to do one thing at a time.  and still--i ended up on the phone with my mom, renegotiating her visit since the flights are screwed up while a class mate pinged me on FB--an amazing woman who keeps it all in and never asks for help.  i gave her what i could--then noticed son's band page on FB and went to the website, to be greeted by his sweet voice crooning over delicious guitar riffs.  god i love that boy.  love the feeling of my gut unwinding just hearing the deep-seated peacefulness in his voice.  bitterness at making choices that resulted in him just withdrawing completely...maybe that was inevitable?  i don't know.  i can't know.  i'll just put out my prayer that we one day find our way back to loving each other--in the ways that we are able.  just being in his presence is such a sweet gift, i feel grateful to have known you Mr. Son House II.

I told Paul on the way home today--this program invites such a deep level of vulnerability and rawness all the time.  i've never cried so much in my life and today at lunch nearly broke down when jessay told me it was jacked up that i wouldn't go back out (in the freezing!) to get his lunch. i feel so tender all the time, and the smallest things reverberate hugely through my body and heart.

so i am practicing awareness of the number of sources of stimulation i am taking in at one time.  even with this, i just had 3 FB chats going at the same time, while listening to son's music.