so, nu...

sunday today, and things are feeling more balanced. or at least, i am feeling more balanced. there's a lot to say about shabbat and my feelings about judaism here on the kibbutz, etc, also a lively political debate re: the palestine israeli conflict but i'll save those for the mass email.

on the emotional side, things are feeling a bit more stable. sky and i talked last night, here's a snippet from his last email...

I've been having a hard time lately and I've been putting it on you, 
but it's just me.  It's interesting to notice how easy it is to blame you,
 the community, etc. as causing me to feel bad.  Looking at it, 
I see that I feel bad because of my own fears and insecurities. 

I need to start making some serious shifts in my life.  I'm sure there 
are things I could be doing differently that would support me to shift 
out of that negative self-msging and be more active and engaged in 
life.  So, I'm going to do a better job of taking responsibility for myself, 
and feel free to call me on it if you notice me doing otherwise.

so that feels good-(what a good guy, eh? definately a keeper)

i still don't really understand what's going on with gershon (g, would you care to enlighten me?), although it seems that we are going to play a concert here on tuesday night. i feel pretty drained in that department, and not up for more intense ups and downs. hopefully it can just be mellow and good. its a bit scary and sad, too, because although i've met some really sweet people here on the ulpan, i miss the intimacy of a deep soul connection, and have been looking forward to seeing Gersh again for that reason. oh well.

this post is feeling a bit glum, perhaps because its a cold and rainy day. but class is great (i'm a total brown-nosing suck up), and i got out of kitchen duty today in proper israeli style. (when it was time to report to work, i just marched up to the main dishwasher lady and said, i want to work with you. then i stood their and refused to take no for an answer).

i met a very sweet x-uplanista last night, from eugene oregon. he's the first army guy i've met whose totally unthrilled about it. we had good philosophical/spiritual conversations, standing outside and watching the lightening. my brain was doing its normal thing of working hard to make it all mean something in the romantic/sexual realm. that pattern is like a tick with the super hard exoskeleton, so that when you try to squish it and it just won't die.

at work i thought about/remembered dancing with sky and nearly creamed my shorts. i am a nun.