day of magic?

today sky left for california, with willow for 10 days. i left around lunch time, driving to twin oaks with tommy (/slinky/kenny), potential new VB drummer. pick-up truck. arriving at twin oaks amidst the usual tumult of emotions, and then bam, mala's in labor and having her baby.

holy shit.

we played music for most of the afternoon anyway, still toying with the beautiful sensuality that arises when trout and i play together........

playing our St. Patrick's day irish concert at tupelo, to a crowd of folk including my awesome housemates...meanwhile ez's new baby birthed around 7:30pm...

disappointment of my make-out exception being unknowingly spurned...seeing the tiny new baby, 2 hours old and so perfect. the rush of emotions--desire, sadness that sky doesn't want this, feeling out of place, rejected, alone. ready to crawl off and lick my wounds, or wallow in them.

scooped up then at the perfect moment into beautiful presence and connection. back down to continue my masochistic torture, watching trout and juniper do the subtle dance of eye-talk and tiny gestures, feeling betrayed after sharing musically SO INTIMATELY...soaking up the praises for baring myself...and then more safe warm open connection.

i feel jealous of ezra, and clearer on my own path. its too huge to make a snap decision, but all throughout the day i felt myself in the wrong place, the wrong orientation. i'd been thinking of this decision in terms of myself, the impact on my life, not in terms of who it would make me be. how it would alter my relationship to myself and the world.

so surprising to see perfect and utterly unwitting paths peep open, a reminder of the tinyness of my brain's capacity to grock this wild, wooly and wonderous life.

parking spot reclamation

i wrote this for the urban evolution blog and kickstand bike zine...

“National Park(ing) Day is an opportunity to celebrate parks in cities and promote the need for more parks by creating temporary public parks in public parking spaces.” --http://tinyurl.com/parkingspot

So much of our public space is dedicated to the use of motor vehicles. Park(ing) days are a way to temporarily reclaim a small piece of that space for the people! (For more information about other Park(ing) Day events, check out http://tinyurl.com/parkingspot.) Here in Charlottesville, we created a 2-hour “park” on West Main on a Friday morning. A cardboard car served as a traffic barrier. We created a comfy living room space in our park(ing) spot with a carpet and some chairs. A table loaded down with vegan chocolate chip cookies, dumpstered chocolate, popcorn, and tea from the Twisted Branch provided an added enticement. Once we set up the space, we invited all passing bikers, pedestrians and even some cars to join us for tea and cookies. Early on we had a story hour, and later we were entertained by a violin/accordion duo. People had a variety of reactions: some ignored us, some cautiously accepted a cookie, others joined our cozy space and hung out for awhile. We had a great time, and plan to continue doing it monthly! The next Cville Park(ing) day will be on March 31st.

p.s. the cops didn't hassle us at all!

Capitol Climate Action

all I did was post a few fliers and send some emails, i swear!

BEEEEEEEEEP "message 1, left at 8:13 AM..."

"hi, I'm calling for Kassia. My name is sara ross from CBS 19 News and i'd like to hear more about this 'critical mass' ride that you're organizing."

me: !??!?!?!

here's the story that aired on the morning news, including a brief snippet from our interview (live at Woodfolk!)

flaky hippie is better than agro anarchist, right?

they showed up at the ride, too, and wrote the following story:

Critical Mass Bikers Spread Awareness
Friday, February 27, 2009

The people were biking for what's called Critical Mass. For many of these people, biking is their main form of transportation and they want to make sure other drivers are aware of their presence.

Charlottesville is home to a large community of bicyclists. Many of them rolled up Friday evening to show support for Critical Mass, an event to raise awareness of bikers.

"Charlottesville is a very bike-able community. We have a lot of room for improvement. But, were actually designated on a bronze level as a bicycle friendly community by the League of American Bicyclists," said Caroline Heins, a bicyclist.

David Nelson was watching as the bikers went by. He said, "I think bikes and cars can get along and its a wonderful thing to have bikes. They use light power and no gas that's wonderful."

Not everyone is out to prove a particular point. Some joined in simply because biking is fun.

"I'm always up for a group bike ride and today is a perfect day for a ride its not a torrential down pour," said Ruby Holler, another bicyclist.

The bicyclists started heading East on Main Street and rode all around the city. They hope their ride will remind drivers to share the road with bikers.

"I think the more we see people on the streets, the greater the awareness to every body who uses the roadways that it really is a shared space," Holler said.

"People will learn as things like this raise their awareness," said Nelson.

The cyclists said the more people are aware, the more biker friendly Charlottesville will be.

Critical Mass has been known to cause traffic problems in other cities. Friday we followed them for part of their ride and they did not cause many problems. There were a few honks from drivers, but other than that it looked like a smooth ride.

Critical mass takes place in cities worldwide. The event is always held on the last Friday of the month starting at 5 PM.

(gotta love the friendly cville press..........)

seeking balance

my last 2 posts sum things up pretty well--higher-than-ever highs, extreme life satisfaction, and then total overwhelm, all-consuming anxiety, debilitating doubts.

the former generally applies to my "work" life--organizing projects, events, community activities. the overwhelm and anxiety creep in when the swell of accumulated responsibilities rises to a peak. and the doubt plays out in my relationship; juggling the giving of and taking space, being supportive, backing off, taking responsibility--probably i'm pmsing right now, but at the moment i just wish he would do something huge and unmistakable to show his appreciation and support for me.

ok, here's a brief list of the goods and bads:

i'm supremely psyched about:
--raw organic apricot kernels and fermented green papaya
--neighborhood garden work party, kids playing in the yard, women digging rocks out of the garden bed and laughing
--the spinach and garlic sprouting in our garden
--malt sweetened chocolate chips
--parking spot takeover, converting innocent bystanders into space-reclaimers
--the look on the face of the woman at the veteran office when i told her we'd be having tea and cookies in her parking spot
--quaker meeting
--my social skills seem to be improving with heavy use!

I'm bummed about:
--attempting to arrange impossible logistics
--laptop addiction
--lack of spiritual grounding in my life
--being cold
--endless digging
--people who don't call back
--waves of anxiety
--never catching up
--feeling obliged to nag

generally, my life is f$%&ing amazing and i feel pretty blown away by it. and, i'm learning (the hard way) about the joys and sorrows of becoming an activist martyr, super-organizer as sky calls it. since i'm not employed in the traditional sense, i feel this obligation to expend 150% of my energy working on the projects that i believe in. and, frankly, i'm still a bit surprised and shocked at my new-found effectiveness. certainly, sky is a huge help in pushing my beyond my self-perceived limits (and helping pick up the pieces when i fall of the cliff instead of leap gracefully across the abyss).

stage 2: make this life sustainable and spiritually nourishing. without that, there's no point to any of this.

today=WOW, or, too tired for pronouns

7AM: re-setting the alarm, grudgingly dragging myself out of bed, groggily eating potatoes and mushrooms, biking the hilly route to hogwaller, shell's little shackety shack filled with warm baking smells and beautiful cupid bikers in red tutus and pink tuxedos. drinking coffee and eating chocochip scones, mixing a batch of scones, cleaning up, delivering an order and then home, meditate.

2PM: thea and crew arrive with ample decorations to transform the house, pinning red clothes to the ceilings, sweep, mop, repeat. transforming the bathroom in to a den of beauty. the living room into a decadent lounge and dance stage. the kitchen into a cozy snacky spot.

5PM: cooking dinner, frantically...wanting to feed and nurture everyone with dahl, rice, potatoes n' onions, cabbage salad. resting for 2 blissful minutes, cocooned in my nestbed hands over eyes.

7PM: back into the fray, last minute prepping. upstairs to transform myself into a beautiful queen (cassopeia). back down to a kitchen full of costumed wonder-folk! eyebrows shoot up and remain for the duration of the night. sky orienting people, (CASSANDRA CAME!!) who enter shoeless to our palace of love and sweet comfort. bouncing around, arranging snacks, washing last dishes. welcoming people.

9PM: creating a web of community connection and appreciation, heart swelling larger. bonfire lighting people's faces. plopping on the couch, robert telling me i'm beautiful. connecting deeply--not with words but rather shared emotion. sinking in. dancing. feeling the love vibe. getting a foot massage from raven.

people drifting off, more thanks, feeling the profundity of creating this space of openness and love here in town. amazed again that we pulled it off.

weight

i've been feeling heavy of late--weighted down. yesterday while cooking dinner and
listening to israeli music i had this intensely poignant longing for judaism. for feeling a part of something spiritual, deep, meaningful, lasting. ancient.

all day i've been inexplicably on the verge of tears, like someone i love has died. no excuse, it was a beautiful sunny day. tarot told me to consult a fiery crone-like woman. know of any?

i'm losing touch with the things that are most important to me, that i am intuitively drawn to; massage, herbal healing, doula training, music. my life feels very male; goal oriented, driven. tiring. stressful. lacking in beauty and grace.

help!