tidbits

i've been finding myself in many conversations about "what's wrong with twin oaks", and why i left. one main reason that i'm noticing more and more is the tendency towards negativity. its so hard to resist, so easy to indulge, and so ultimately unproductive!

despite that, my time there this week was fine--nesting in ira's room is very nice, also spending more time with sky/willow. the band finally reunited and had a couple of practices, preparing for our first gig in over 6 months! this weekend--a wedding at a goat farm/b&b, with belly dancers and a bluegrass band. should be interesting. all the usual challenges are there, but mostly i feel such a sense of relief to be able to release that part of me again, the part that comes alive in the vulgar bulgars. especially after thinking that it was over, in the past, never to be again.

europe plans are falling into place, as well, so i'm feeling more excited and optimistic about that. we even bought tickets back to the states(dec 18th). the current itenerary is: amsterdam(or southern netherlands, depending on housing options, copenhagen/christiania with hawina, sky & willow, a week at a community in italy w/willow and sky, then the meditation course in germany with sky. after that we'll have 10 days or so to make our way to spain, possibly stopping in berlin, prague, paris, bordeaux....and then a few weeks in spain, possibly also tamera community in portugal. feels like a good mix of free-form and structure. it'll certainly be interesting.

i got such a huge energetic kick from the raw food dinner that i'm trying to focus more on diet and eating well. i just slipped though and ate a bunch of moose-tracks ice cream!

weird ailments and strong beginnings

making it into charlottesville on thursday afternoon was such a relief!! lots of exciting updates and networking in the past 3 days. we've been staying with this sweet-as-pie couple in town, X-acorners, in their peaceful, quiet little house. our room is very light with white muslin curtains and softly shaded paintings. thursday night we met up with Daniel from CHUVA (cooperative housing at the University of Virginia)and checked out 2 of their 3 houses. he was totally on-board, excited for us to work together and help each other out however we can.

our current mission seems to be meeting up with friends, friends of friends, etc. sharing visions, and figuring out potential connections. it feels good to move from information intake to synthesis and output (and eventually towards action!)

weirdly, all weekend i've had this achyness, headache, feverish, stomach-ache combination of physical unpleasantness. very mystifying since i'm usually very fit and feeling healthy. and of course i'm feeling a bit trepidatious about returning to the oaks, especially after extended and in-depth conversations over last nights dinner about all that is dysfunctional about the place...thomas called this ailment "twin oaks' revenge". apt, as always

lightly traumatized

the wave of fear and despair is lapping at my toes....

feeling physically unwell today, feverish and congested in the lungs and sinus, plus a nasty stomach ache (cramps?). and the fear, anxiety, stress--i have been spreading myself thin, working lots and not taking time and space for myself. and now we're a bit nomadic room-wise again...we moved today and will again tomorrow, sharing a tiny room.

an unpleasant run in with an unpleasant person today, and i've been working extra hard to tune up with the positive vibrations, not get sucked into the vortex of negativity.

of course most folks are great, and are happy i'm here, etc. there's so many small delightful things--picking pears and paw-paws in the courtyard, eating freshly baked bread, picking beans, giving massages, swimming in the river.

i feel hopeful and a bit catious about zygoat faux pas, our new little clan. i cozy little circle of folks who can't help but go deeper, something i need very much right now...

well,time to drink tea and read harry potter with sky and willow...more soon!

twin oaks!?!?!?

back at twin oaks again, after a month in meditation land. i really loved the vipassana meditation center in illinois, its quite small and the landscape is so pretty; rolling farms, lots of wildflowers, very midwestern. sitting was pretty chill, no major eruptions (except my ovaries on day 9!) or emotional traumas. i'm slowly slowly moving towards really pushing myself hard. after a 3 day break in chicago, we returned to serve for the next course. i was the only full time female server, so they made me the female manager!! something i'd both hoped for and feared. it was great though, i really thrived on the added responsibility. it felt really good to have that direct contact with the women, and be a source of succor and aide for them.

and now, here we are back at twin oaks again. as usual, it feels like nothing and everything has changed. there are of course tons of new faces. same old dramas. same old struggles.

this morning, i made granola and bread and then tied off hemp hammocks with sky. the bread is very white and squishy, too much oil i think. i want to try sourdough but am intimidated. the new members that i've talked to all seem to understand and relate to my reasons for leaving--namely, the absence of a culture of kindness.

this past weekend, a bunch of us community floaters (some x members, some soon to be x members) held a weekend summit. i finally got to meet kate's baby, aurora (4 months). she's great, and it was a confirming wake up call that now is not the time to weigh myself down in that way. i'm curious if becoming a doula and being more involved in communities of pregnant women will ease my desire to go through with it myself. time will tell.

still feeling a bit nervous and apprehensive about picking up and flying across the world next month. but the weekend's meetings were very heartening, and i feel glad to be part of an emerging community on multiple levels. gardens shifts the next two mornings, then back to cville on thursday! sky's keeping us on a rigourous diet of cville trips, good thing or i might dissolve into a puddle of labor credits, overworking and paranoia. (when i'm here, i feel like i have to work all the time or people will hate me.)

the weather is perfect, blue skies and not too humid. i hope folks are ok down south and in New Orleans.

the rhizome collective

thursday was a long day of travel, and so incredibly pleasant! i set strong intentions for a smooth transition, spent 2 days packing and preparing carefully, 3 hours preparing travel food and lots of time breathing and grounding. it was a true portland send-off, with the bus riders rallying to deliver me quickly and conveniently to the nearest airport bound MAX (lightrail) station (the website was wrong, go figure). my new friend Gordy helped me carry my bags and we chatted amiably, discovering that his co-worker's son lives at the Emma Goldman Finishing School in Seattle.

i also had an extremely absorbing book with me, on loan from laura W. called Caucasia, its an amazing portrait of a biracial family living in Boston during the racial tensions of the 70's and 80's. the dad is black, mom is white, one daughter dark and the other light. Danny Senza manages to dig deep into the reality and theory of racial identity from all sides, in addition to homophobia and classism.

of course austin is hotter' en hell, the firey sun boring down at mid-day. it took a bit of time to adjust, and to adjust to our new temporary digs at the rhizome collective. rhizome is housed in a giant warehouse. there's a bunch of rooms where folks live, in addition to an extra kitchen space for food not bombs, an events/performance space, a bike shop (for bikes to mexico), a book and work space for inside books project, gardens, a GIANT and very ugly turkey, and a radio station.

folks that live here are supposed to be working for one of the organizations that uses the space, and the founders do RUST trainings (Radical urban sustainability) twice a year. its collectively run by reps from each of the organizations that uses the space, and a resident rep. pretty awesome, though its quite in the summer b/c its so f'n hot that everyone splits. we're camped out in the zine library with a giant fan to fend of the mosquito hordes and move the hot and heavy air around.

so far we've found pretty good bike routes, including a nice walk/bike path along both sides of the charles river. heat survival tactics include dunking at barton springs, a natural spring on the west side of the city, lying in front of giant fans, and drinking tons of iced kambucha.

austin is very arts and music oriented, and folks are decoratively tattooed and pierced. it feels alot smaller than portland, and sleepy under the summer heat, but i like the southern/spanish vibe.

all mixed up, to austin i go

now poised on the brink of leaving my home for the past 10 weeks, this beautiful sweet community...i feel so much love and attachment; the folks here just rock my world on so many levels. politically engaged, hard working, so loving and generous, f'n hilarious, intelligent.....and hot as hell. i'm pretty much crushed out on each one of 'em.

the garden's just starting to come into the crest of summer; beets, collards, peas, rasberries, currents, broccoli, kale, and cabbages coming on now.

i feel excited too for what is coming. excited to see my awesome rockstar sister and check out the rhizome collective. i'm glad for a month's worth of sitting and serving at a meditation center.

and i'm downright nostalgic for virginia and twin oaks folks. i descended into tear jerking sloppyness this afternoon, watching youtube videos of the fam out there--trout playing his hobo guitar, paxus telling one of his stories, and ezra with his road trip-deer guts story.

so moving on from this temporary home, i feel sadness in my gut but light of heart, stepping into the next adventure and knowing i'll be back.

the fair

i just spent the weekend at the Oregon Country Fair

the fair is a weekend long festival of creative expression, music, costumes and general zany self expression. anything goes at the fair, and many people dress up in beautifully creative costumes, paint their chest and go bare, where feathers or go naked. the vendors and stages are all tucked into the woods, lending it all a magical-fairy-realm ambience. buskers dot the paths, one of my favorites was the stamenphone: a 16 string harmonic sculpture played with a cello bow. created by ela lamblin after having a dream that he was playing a flower, it has a beautiful, etheral sound and is a work of art in and of itself.

The Oregon Country Fair creates events and experiences that nourish the spirit, explore living artfully and authentically on Earth, and transform culture in magical, joyous and healthy ways.

that's the fair's mission, and the level of environmental consciousness is very inspiring. all vendor plates and cups are compostable. there are giant, well labeled recycling bins everywhere and the recycling crew is diligent and committed. the whole fair is run by autonomous volunteer "crews" that handle all aspects of the fair: the sound, recycling, ambience, etc. folks on these crews, as well as all the vendors are part of the fair family and are able to camp on site, and continue the bacchanalian festivities into the night.

i lucked my way onto one of these crews, and spent the mornings getting folks to fill out fair surveys. my favorite nighttime activity was The Ritz, a giant and beautiful sauna complex. it has 2 saunas, one big enough for about 50 people, the other a bit smaller. there's also a slew of open showers and a fire pit in the middle. the middle part is open to the air, roof-free and there's a small stage next to the fire pit. its quite a magical scene, to be in post-sauna relaxed bliss, hanging out around the fire with 50 other naked happy people and listening to an amazing band play 10 feet away.

the fair can feel totally overwhelming, in the heat of the day when the paths are packed. its grown each year and now ticket sales are capped at 45,000 for day passes. they sell out each year. about 7,000 people are camped out on site as part of the fair family.

busking on the side of the path was also a treat, folks were certainly appreciative and i even picked up another fiddler and a guitarist!