twin oaks!?!?!?

back at twin oaks again, after a month in meditation land. i really loved the vipassana meditation center in illinois, its quite small and the landscape is so pretty; rolling farms, lots of wildflowers, very midwestern. sitting was pretty chill, no major eruptions (except my ovaries on day 9!) or emotional traumas. i'm slowly slowly moving towards really pushing myself hard. after a 3 day break in chicago, we returned to serve for the next course. i was the only full time female server, so they made me the female manager!! something i'd both hoped for and feared. it was great though, i really thrived on the added responsibility. it felt really good to have that direct contact with the women, and be a source of succor and aide for them.

and now, here we are back at twin oaks again. as usual, it feels like nothing and everything has changed. there are of course tons of new faces. same old dramas. same old struggles.

this morning, i made granola and bread and then tied off hemp hammocks with sky. the bread is very white and squishy, too much oil i think. i want to try sourdough but am intimidated. the new members that i've talked to all seem to understand and relate to my reasons for leaving--namely, the absence of a culture of kindness.

this past weekend, a bunch of us community floaters (some x members, some soon to be x members) held a weekend summit. i finally got to meet kate's baby, aurora (4 months). she's great, and it was a confirming wake up call that now is not the time to weigh myself down in that way. i'm curious if becoming a doula and being more involved in communities of pregnant women will ease my desire to go through with it myself. time will tell.

still feeling a bit nervous and apprehensive about picking up and flying across the world next month. but the weekend's meetings were very heartening, and i feel glad to be part of an emerging community on multiple levels. gardens shifts the next two mornings, then back to cville on thursday! sky's keeping us on a rigourous diet of cville trips, good thing or i might dissolve into a puddle of labor credits, overworking and paranoia. (when i'm here, i feel like i have to work all the time or people will hate me.)

the weather is perfect, blue skies and not too humid. i hope folks are ok down south and in New Orleans.