now that i've tasted it, there's no going back.  and still the fears knock at the doors.  deeply harrowed grooves of habitual thought-reactions pull me down.  i dreamed last night i was getting drunk, going numb, unconsciously causing harm.  i have tasted the depths of sweet sweet freedomlovecstacy and i cannot go back and still forward can only happen one breath at a time and my animal brain is shaking scared.  i don't know this path and i am alone. i don't know this path and i am not alone.  i know this path. i am not alone.  blue sky is peeking in through the morning branches and i have a visitor from my past.  he arrived baring the gift of Me that i was before all this, This, THIS--this bend in the river that happened 3 months ago still so new i'm breathing it in like a baby.   i don't like that Me and it doesn't like me.  i don't want to go unconscious and yet the water pushes in on me from all sides, a force stronger than gravity pushingpushingpushing.  only one choice as always.  giving over to my own watery tide of

let go.  breath.  breath.  let go.

pause.

breath.  let go.  let go.  breath.