More Family

I sat with Pari on the floor of her bedroom after dinner tonight and chatted with her as she fixed the buttons on my manteau. The feeling was welcome, familiar, yet novel. It's this elusive, undefinable feeling of family. Something I've mostly felt the absence of, or witnessed from the outside. Like in Mexico with my friend Tanya's extended family, or various Thanksgivings over the years. I'm not sure where I came by this personal definition that I carry; it comes out something like, family is just there. No matter what, whatever the circumstance, you put aside whatever is in the way and be there. Its not necessarily a deeply intimate relationship in the way that I generally seek, but it is profoundly satisfying in a different way. And here, I'm seeing that this definition is mirrored in this culture. Of course, it helps that I adore Pari; she is sweet, loving, generous. She just came back from six years in San Diego, taking care of he daughter's child for the past 6 years until she can start school, and now cares for her mother full-time. Helps me understand how actually utterly normal it was that my Iranian grandparents uprooted completely and transplanted themselves to a totally foreign country, language and culture for two years to care for my sister and I.   

Pari says we should have a family reunion; and I can't help agreeing. I adore my “French” uncle Saeid and rarely see him. He and his family were exiled to France during the revolution as he was against the Shah but on the wrong side of Khomeini. When Sky and I got slightly stranded in Europe four years ago and basically showed up on his doorstep, he and his wife took us in unquestioningly, fed us amazing food, and took us all around town to the sites. His look and manner are nearly identical to Dad's, except....he's emotionally present, sweet, caring, and engaging. It is cathartic interacting with him. The reunion should be in Europe, Pari said, because the boys will have problems in Iran. There is a two year required military service for all men; 20-22 and the boys come back they may have to serve.

Pari is pretty tied to Maman-care right now, and its pretty full time. Maman is in extreme discomfort, spending most of her time moaning and complaining about various pains. I can't understand most of it but they've started translating. Today she was muttering from the kitchen “Mordam! Mordam!” Which means “I'm dying!” Its clearly difficult and wearing on Pari. Maman doesn't understand why she's in so much pain and discomfort, and doesn't know what to do about it. In one of the questions-as-distraction-sessions, I learned that she was married off to her husband when she was 13 years old. He was 29 (though his ID card may have been wrong and he actually may have been only 25). She was not excited about it, though he moved in with her family so she escaped the often terrible reign of the dreaded mother-in-law. But I still can't think of this arrangement as anything other than legally sanctioned rape.