i'm so tired, so wired. 48 hours of nearly straight social contact. dinner cooking frenzy friday afternoon, a massive chopping endeavor that culminated in candle lighting, bread and wine blessing and then feasting: black eyed peas, collards, sweet potato fries, rice, challah and apple crisp. living room exploding with people eating talking laughing. morph to poorly attended dance party, morph to mini puppy pile of self reflective hilarity. deafening poor ro and piercing the massage next door with my hyena like peals. late night skirmish with sky, melt down and more massive puppy pile into snuggly sleep with michele. waking early to the morning putterings of many houseguests, pancakes and yoga in the living room. quiete time, small chats and confessions, walk, snuggle, meditate. into the Fuzz, intensorama sharing and space for sky and i to start sorting through last nights mess with that amazing circle of love and support around us. (this is how i always thought it should be, how the heck are 2 people gonna magically know the answers to dealing with each others patterns and baggage and garbage. that village that we needed to raise us? turns out we still need it. or at least i do.) fuzz into discombobulation, then driving to TO playing the guessing game, where you pick a person and then ask questions to narrow it down: if this person were a tree, a kind of weather, a dinosaur. to TO to rolling and play, roughest yet and my first delving into that depth of power play==new, fun, scary silly sweet at the end into a cuddlysoftsafeloveychat. dinner and chaos, blast from the europe travels past and i'm briefly confronted with me 2 years ago. not a pretty sight. back up to tupelo, briefly crashing sky and feo's date; grateful for that and for the ease though how can leaving that scene when semi graciously invited by sky to do so be anything but awkward...back down to my own date, back into the rolling playfightingchattingscheminglove mode. then a late night scifiporno, my first and quite entertaining. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.........wake earlymeditate snuggle more and growly lions, to breakfast then sky debrief, back to snuggly bed w/feo for more chattinglaughing. introduced her to maude, my insecure self-bashing inner me and nancy, her flip; far better than you will ever be. poison! walking and eating and delving....back to tupe for romasky, more snuggles and holding sky who is struggling...to the truck and immediate new fight explosion...finding some place to meet in the middle, sharing appreciations in a desperate attempt at finding a lifeline back to us...home and more process, taking responsibility for my own screwups with my favorite housemate, and finally the feast of the year for dinner, truly divine. pomegranitejicamaroasted nut salad, sundriedtomatorosmemary foccacia, and unspeakably delicious sweetpotato zuke bechemel lasagna.

so ready to collapse now into sweet sweet sleep.