roiling along

i just cried for an hour solid. its been awhile, and it felt good--deep guttural sobs. there were ostensible reasons: sky not communicating well, feeling worn down from emotional challenges here at TO, feeling lonely, self-deprecating........but really, my heart hurt and my hormones were raging. when i let myself wallow in the absolute depth of feeling shitty, it was a sweet respite: those moments in between the running commentary on what i OUGHT to be doing/thinking/feeling.

its been sweet with sky. since i didn't get a room in morning star, his house, we've kinda been co-habitating in his room. the floor has become a giant bed, and last night willow (his 6 year old son) slept here too. i put him to bed while sky meditated, and it was very sweet. we read some more harry potter, then lit a candle so the dark wouldn't be too scary. it took him a little while but soon he was snoring away, all snuggled up. very very sweet. i really have such a deep yearning for family, for serving and care-taking others.

this afternoon i did reiki on kenrique, the self proclaimed wizard queen. it felt good, though i could feel all my own shit roiling in my belly. afterward, he talked to me about life and death and healing. "i'm just here to be me. and do my wizard queen thing. that's it." he is such a sweetheart.

tomorrow will be a big adventure--we'll drive to orange to get our potential deisel cargo van and take it to a greasle mechanic. he'll check it over for general maintenance stuff and also for grease conversion-bility. i'm excited that this project is moving forward, and excited for the upcoming adventures! now if i can just survive the next two weeks of emotional turmoil and struggle.........