Saturday, December 2, 2006

losing and finding center

last night aaron and i met up at Maia Meyhane, the Turkish bar on Ave. B. Romashka (gypsy band) was playing and i'd never seen them. the place filled up pretty quick and soon felt like we'd been teleported to Turkey, hookahs everywhere, people dancing and jostling the belly dancer, music blasting and beautiful. afterward aaron and i played some of that old timey music out front and made a pile of money, which we immediately spent on beer. back at the apartment, harry smoked us up and chatted briefly, my mind was dominated by an interaction/conversation between aaron and i, one of many where he is clearly holding back his thoughts. this one was about my socially awkard nature.

after the pot i was wide awake, my head racing with thoughts and reactions--i really wanted to engage with aaron, but he was just not there. i couldn't calm my mind down lying next to him, since much of the agitation was about him and us. at some point out of sheer desperation, i started talking out loud to him and to myself, just vocalizing what i was feeling. really, i just wanted him to reach out, to say or do something that showed how he felt. alas.

this morning we went out busking and then spent all the money on food at zabar's, a giant gourmet/jewish market broadway.  its just exhausting to try and keep up the stream of meaningless jokes and punny commentary.

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