fire and ice

the last couple of days i've felt a little frozen. the temperature has dropped in sunny Florida and for this reptile-blooded girl in this giant unheated drafty house, that is a serious business.  i've been eating a lot of soup and chain-hot-water bottling.  also sitting with a re-kindled love inside of me.  not re-kindled in the sense of something different happening in the material world.  re-kindled as in the flame that i thought might have finally gone out and left me in peace suddenly surging again, bright and alive and huge inside me.  i keep finding myself cursing quietly under my breath at random moments.  or laughing out loud and uproariously at odd times.  and.   in rarer moments, letting that quiet inner voice speak; "nothing to be afraid of, kassia."  ITS JUST LOVE!  hahahahah.  i am afraid of feeling love!  well, so what if its huge and overwhelming and has no place in my life right now.  so what if all i did when we were together was grab hold of this feeling and squeeze until there was nothing left but my empty, whitened knuckles.  

but when the cold winds blows through this house and there's nothing to keep that fire from raging.....i am at their mercy.

thank goodness, last night a friend popped up online and then came over for a chill evening.   we meditated together.  then he made us both an amazing cheese plate and deliciously roasted brussel sprouts while i made pumpkin-chocolate chip bars (seriously worth it). and  by bedtime the ice and the fire had reached relatively comfortable level of homeostasis.

thank you for the flames

 i still slept with the hot water bottle.