nearly midnight, and i can't sleep. there's a stuckness in my chest, can't get it moving and so can't fall asleep. thoughts don't really help and they are keeping me awake. or is it the full moon?

some that are passing through the noggin: how can i be in a romantic relationship with someone when there is no room for us to just be, not doing, planning, working, or actively engaged in anything. just being. somehow that's reserved for when we are apart. this bums me out and sets my mind whirring towards the folks with whom this does seem possible.

stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck

doesn't help that i haven't been sleeping enough, all i want to do is sleep but my body/mind won't let me.

my room is crowded with dried herbs, i borrowed ali's food dehydrator for 48 hrs, kept it full and running continuously. mulberries, mint, rosemary, chamomile, oregano, raspberry leaf, bee balm. i feel drawn to collecting and drying herbs, pushed towards it instinctively every time i step into the yard.

in the old days, medicine and cooking were the same; women cooking and adding the necessary herbs to the food for physical and emotional well being.

i look forward to the fall of civilization as we know it so we can all get back to the real stuff that matters most, programmed deeply in our bones and DNA. gathering food, sharing music, drying herbs, cooking together. just being.