whirlwind

i feel like i'm on fire. maybe its the chocolate almond coconut latte that i just consumed.........

i'm in charlottesville now, just back from the life changing and totally transformational landmark forum. i spent the weekend in baltimore, staying with a woman i'd never met, sitting with 100 other people for 13 hours a day, for 3 days straight. its hard to talk about what the forum "is". its easier to talk about what i got out of it.

What i got out of it is a transformed relationship with my family. i had the opportunity to renew and reinvent my relationships with my mother, father and sister. to express how important each of them are to me, how much i love them and that i'm creating the possibility of an intimate and involved relationship with each of them. i told my dad that i loved him, something i haven't done in over 10 years. i heard him say that he loved me, something i haven't heard in just as long. i cried through the whole conversation with my mother, and she was stunned, saying that it was the most amazing phone call she'd ever received. My sister seriously considered flying out to baltimore for my tuesday evening completion session, even in the midst of her tumultous life situation. of all the people in my life, i am particularly committed to standing for her greatness, and can see so clearly how much she would benefit from doing the work that i just engaged in at the forum. i feel so blessed to have the opportunity to really express to each of them how important they are to me, how much i love them, and to be able to reinvent my relationships with each of them.

I also got a renewed sense of ease with myself in the world and in relationships. i'm not "someone that people can't understand." People are just as afraid of me as i am of them. I can be a source of love, openness and compassion for people in my life, without fearing that they won't like me or won't understand me. and that's possible in part b/c of the renewed foundation of strengthened relationships with my immediate family.

and, i feel a renewed sense of and strength in my own power and possibility for what i can create in the world. i don't need to waste my energy worrying about small things, or create small problems for myself. i don't need to worry about getting a job that i hate to pay rent. i can take on huge problems, like helping people transform their lives by creating a healing and safe space for people to see possibilities in themselves and their lives. I am ready to dive into the work that Sky and I have been building towards for the past year: dedicating ourselves and our lives to creating change and new possibilities in the world around us.

We're starting to craft a slide-show presentation about our work and research of the past 6 months, pulling out the themes and concepts, communities and projects, our own trajectory through it all, where we stand now and what we're looking to create. We're forming an urban commune design council to pull more people into the process of creating a radical and cooperative community here in town. I'm starting to formulate a workshop based on The Work That Reconnects, inspired by Joanna Macy. The Work is a way of creating space for people to connect to and express the full range of emotional responses to the currenty state of life on this planet, to connect to the despair, anger, sadness, alienation that are inevitable responses. Facing this emotional reality allows us to see the interconnectedness that is the root of our despair, as well as fertile ground that this interconnectedness can be as a portal for getting in touch with the many possibilities for positive action and transformative reconnection that are possible. Its about seeing the power and strength we step into as a result of recognizing our connectedness to each other and to the possibilities that we can create.

i feel really excited to step into all of this.