graditude

after a rich and tumultuous 3 weeks at twin oaks, i'm back in snow-covered connecticut. my time at the commune is always a mixture of blessings and challenges, and this visit was no exception. it was sweet and wonderful to be back in the same zip code as sky, to reconnect, talk, snuggle, cook pancakes and plot our west-coast travels. and, being involved with him means dealing with some tough stuff. for instance, the sexy and talented artist/musician/dancer that he was involved with in september--they fell in love and she is pretty heart-broken about it. and the Family stuff is quite the emotional morass.

not to mention my usual round of insecurities, self-judgements, disconnectedness and excessive mental torture that assail me.

but i can only express deep gratitude for the past 2 days of sweet respite and transition. we spent the night in DC with johnny socko, a middle aged motor-biking movie producing architure restorationist and raging bachelor. sunday morning he attuned me for Reiki I and passed along a book of Reiki history and instruction. already i feel its resoncance with my healer yearnings and tendencies and glad for the directions it will take me. my trip up here was long but not unpleasant and i'm staying in a beautiful room with giant windows looking out onto the snowy-frosted trees. i feel nurtured by folks here and just so grateful (ok, so its a theme) to have this time and space to reflect, process and integrate before moving forward.

saying goodnight to adam, the local guru and dishwasher, he spoke about the necessity of going with the flow of the universe, even if that sometime means being assertive. even then, he said, you've got to be gentle.