triple balancing act

just over a year ago, i gave a presentation for the ending of adamah, a 3 month jewish farming program in connecticut. i told my fellow community members that i am a musician, a healer, and a community builder.

now i find myself balancing these three:

frantically learning new tunes for this saturday's gig with the accordian death squad, biking across town to band practice with my violin on my back. busking on the downtown mall.

studying to be a doula, scheduling massage practices with my massage therapist housemate. bartering massage for mending.

helping create community in this house and in charlottesville, networking, scheming, connecting. cooking dinner and apple crisp for my housemates. digging up the garden and somehow attracting a crowd of eager volunteers. creating a vision statement for a new community.

during the past 2.5 years of travel, tumult and transition, i've yearned continuously to settle down and put down roots. and now that i'm finally blessed with the opportunity to do just that, i can see so clearly that the depth and quality of my life right now is directly related to that extended period of exploration and experimentation.

graditude

after a rich and tumultuous 3 weeks at twin oaks, i'm back in snow-covered connecticut. my time at the commune is always a mixture of blessings and challenges, and this visit was no exception. it was sweet and wonderful to be back in the same zip code as sky, to reconnect, talk, snuggle, cook pancakes and plot our west-coast travels. and, being involved with him means dealing with some tough stuff. for instance, the sexy and talented artist/musician/dancer that he was involved with in september--they fell in love and she is pretty heart-broken about it. and the Family stuff is quite the emotional morass.

not to mention my usual round of insecurities, self-judgements, disconnectedness and excessive mental torture that assail me.

but i can only express deep gratitude for the past 2 days of sweet respite and transition. we spent the night in DC with johnny socko, a middle aged motor-biking movie producing architure restorationist and raging bachelor. sunday morning he attuned me for Reiki I and passed along a book of Reiki history and instruction. already i feel its resoncance with my healer yearnings and tendencies and glad for the directions it will take me. my trip up here was long but not unpleasant and i'm staying in a beautiful room with giant windows looking out onto the snowy-frosted trees. i feel nurtured by folks here and just so grateful (ok, so its a theme) to have this time and space to reflect, process and integrate before moving forward.

saying goodnight to adam, the local guru and dishwasher, he spoke about the necessity of going with the flow of the universe, even if that sometime means being assertive. even then, he said, you've got to be gentle.