back at the oaks

when it came time to finally leave isabella freedman on saturday morning, i felt very ready. after a loong day of travel (car to train to subway to train to train), my bandmates met me at the philly train station with a carful of dumpstered Trader Joe's chocolate and big hugs. after a delicious dinner of home-made chili and cornbread, we played a rocking house party at my baker friend Michael Dolich's house of love and happiness. as the night wore on, the floor was literally bouncing from the exuberant dancing. and the vibe was very high--happy people, micro-brew beer, homemade (handmilled, organic sourdough) bread.......hard to go wrong.

Sunday morning we enjoyed a leisurely 8 course breakfast with our sweet friend ali (potatoes, eggs, grits, salad, fruit salad, biscuits, coffee and organic bacon), then headed down to silver spring, maryland (DC suburb) for another VB first--our first superbowl gig! weird but, oddly, quite fun. we did a rockin' set before the game started, and the moishe house-niks got funky. then, everyone watched the game til halftime, when we played another rockin set. likely some kind of first in the klezmer world. VBs--boldly going where no klez band has gone before!

now i'm back at twin oaks, throwing myself into work, projects and friendships. it feels good to get back into the groove of making hammocks, sewing pillows, cooking dinner, going on walks and lying in hammocks. and, a little piece of my heart is still in up in jewtopia.

leaving jewtopia

i am missing sky---missing the solidity of a committed relationship, the trust that he'll see me fully, and love me fully, the shared values and excitement about radical social, political, cultural and spiritual change, the cuddling and lovemaking, the teasing and talking and adventuring.

tomorrow is my last day here at freedman, jonas told me that i've grown alot in these past weeks; its true, my core feels stronger from this time. the folks here now are totally awesome, and its very empowering to be immersed in a group of people who are solidly on their paths. the paths are all over the map--greenhousing, leading permaculture trips in israel, going to massage school, teaching yoga and breath/movement coordination, creating jewish scribal arts, tending to goats, herbal healing....but underneath the surface variations there's a deep and shared value system of personal and spiritual growth, connection, and community.

yesterday aviva and i packed the second of three remaining barrels of adamah kraut--20 cases all told (12 jars/case)and we'll finish up the last one tomorrow, in time for shabbas. then its on to philly on saturday for klez party part #1, dc on sunday for klez (superbowl?!?!) party #2, and finally home to my sweet baby's arms.

graditude

after a rich and tumultuous 3 weeks at twin oaks, i'm back in snow-covered connecticut. my time at the commune is always a mixture of blessings and challenges, and this visit was no exception. it was sweet and wonderful to be back in the same zip code as sky, to reconnect, talk, snuggle, cook pancakes and plot our west-coast travels. and, being involved with him means dealing with some tough stuff. for instance, the sexy and talented artist/musician/dancer that he was involved with in september--they fell in love and she is pretty heart-broken about it. and the Family stuff is quite the emotional morass.

not to mention my usual round of insecurities, self-judgements, disconnectedness and excessive mental torture that assail me.

but i can only express deep gratitude for the past 2 days of sweet respite and transition. we spent the night in DC with johnny socko, a middle aged motor-biking movie producing architure restorationist and raging bachelor. sunday morning he attuned me for Reiki I and passed along a book of Reiki history and instruction. already i feel its resoncance with my healer yearnings and tendencies and glad for the directions it will take me. my trip up here was long but not unpleasant and i'm staying in a beautiful room with giant windows looking out onto the snowy-frosted trees. i feel nurtured by folks here and just so grateful (ok, so its a theme) to have this time and space to reflect, process and integrate before moving forward.

saying goodnight to adam, the local guru and dishwasher, he spoke about the necessity of going with the flow of the universe, even if that sometime means being assertive. even then, he said, you've got to be gentle.