This amazing human was not only a great housemate, but also a good friend to both Noah and I and amazing with kids (I would often overhear her saying things to Isabel in the exact words and tone that I would have used). Having 2 little babies can be super isolating, and she helped us all gracefully and easefully slide into 4-person family-hood. She gave Isabel some much needed extra special time, hugs, and attention as she started her big-sister journey. She gave us easy, casual social interactions; the kind that seem to vaporize when you can't get out of the house. And when Noah went back to work, she filled in the many small gaps in the day.
The February departure was an interesting transition. I was well aware of how much I was leaning on her; both for periodically taking one or the other kid for chunks of the day, but even more for the tiny spaces of filler time throughout the day that are truly life-saving. Like reading to Isabel for 5 minutes while I finished breakfast. Staying in the living room for a few minutes while I took shower. And, most notably; hanging out with Isabel while I nursed Leo to sleep for his morning and afternoon naps.
So now. The first week post-departure I spent each nap time ping-ponging up and down the stairs between crying babies. Settling Isabel into her high-chair with some lunch, I'd tell her I'd be back in a few minutes then race up to nurse Leo while silently begging him to fall asleep quickly and praying that Isabel didn't start screaming. 3 minutes later, she would start screaming, I'd race down to try and re-settle her, leaving HIM screaming upstairs, half asleep but rapidly waking up again. And back. And forth.
Then I tried talking about it with Isabel. She's a pretty reasonable kid. I explained, "Ok, I just need 10 minutes to put Leo down and then we can have special Mama-Isabel time and do all of the fun big kid stuff. Do you think you can just play quietly for a few minutes and then we'll have all the time to do big kid stuff?" "Oh yes mama, I can do that".
Literally 90 seconds later, she's screaming and crying at the door as though she's been abandoned on the street. And then Leo's crying again. And definitely not sleeping. This continued for a week. Then my mom came to visit, offering a brief reprieve. The whole time she was here I was frantically brainstorming; Facebook advice basically boiled down to: give her a tv show to watch, or do a walking nap.
Three days after my mom left, on Wednesday March 11th, Noah and I stayed up late reading about exponential growth curves and community spread. By 2am we had decided to cancel his daddy-daughter trip to California, scheduled for March 12-18. By Thursday, VCU had switched to remote work, indefinitely. The pandemic was here. So much misery, suffering, physical illness, mental illness and unrecoverable loss was on its way for so many people.
And. In my tiny, individual, selfish little world of trying to nap a baby while keeping a toddler happy every day.....it helped so much to have Noah working from home! His remote-work schedule was flexible enough to accommodate a few 20 minute breaks sprinkled throughout the day, just enough to get those naps happening.
And now, more than a year later, his office is starting to do in-person visits again; at least a few days a week he is back at the office. When its time for Leo's nap, the three of us go up to Isabel's room to nurse and snuggle while reading a book. Then Isabel cuddles down into her blankets to wait while I finish nursing Leo to sleep in his room. After he's asleep, she and I have 15 minutes or so of special play time together, and then its time for her nap.
Today it took Leo 40 minutes to get to sleep. By the time I came back to Isabel's room she'd given up waiting and had just fallen asleep herself.
Oh how times have changed.
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